TT001: How to Develop Open Communication With Your Tween

Transcript:

A place for moms of tweens to get a quick dose of encouragement and one actionable tip they can use to get a win today!

Open communication can sometimes be confused with permissive parenting.

Open communication emphasizes a balance between warmth, support, and clear boundaries. Whereas permissive parenting lacks discipline and structure. 

You don’t have to have a perfect relationship with your tween to foster open communication. And it’ll work, regardless of your parenting style. 

Unfortunately, it all starts with listening. I say unfortunately because listening is hard when you’ve got lots of advice to share!

1. Listen to understand

Take a minute to hear what your tween is really saying. Ask clarifying questions. (You’ll have to check the tone of your voice so your question comes out sounding neutral!) Listen for meaning. 

For example: If they desperately want to go to a sleepover, and your family doesn’t do sleepovers, let them tell you all the details. Ask questions to find out the why behind what they want to do (without asking why – because they probably don’t know). And once you’ve gotten to the heart of the matter, maybe you can meet their need a different way.

2. Ask what they need from you

Sometimes our tweens need a listening ear to help them process their thoughts. Other times they need to vent. And, occasionally, they want advice. 

If you’re like me and find yourself quick to jump in with advice, take a breath. And listen to all they have to say. Bite your tongue if you have to, but wait for them to finish. 

And then, ask if they’d like your advice. Sometimes they’ll say yes. 

3. Listening doesn’t equal agreeing

When I started intentionally listening to my daughters, I worried they’d assume I agreed with whatever they were saying because I wasn’t disagreeing.  

But, a funny thing happened. The more I actively listened, the more they felt heard. And the more they felt heard, the more they asked for my advice!

So here’s a quick win for today. 

When your tween talks, ask a clarifying question. And then let them continue talking. 

And, if they’re talking about a problem, ask if they’d like your advice. If not, continue to actively listen. 

That’s open communication. They can talk to you about anything. You’re building trust. One conversation at a time.

Thank you for joining me for Tween Talk today. I hope you were encouraged and ready to claim your quick win for the day. 

Until next time, 

Bye

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