Stop fighting your child’s brain chemistry and start working with it instead
Every time we ask our kids to do something, we’re essentially battling against their natural brain chemistry. As parents, we often wonder why our tweens seem so resistant to even simple tasks. The answer lies in how we’re presenting these tasks to their developing minds.
Hi, I’m Marina Joy, and I help parents of tweens develop more motivated, organized kids who communicate better and think more critically. Today, I want to share a science-backed strategy that can transform your daily interactions with your tween: The Five Minute Win Ritual.
Why Your Tween’s Brain Gets Overwhelmed
Think of your child’s brain like a video game character. When that character constantly receives impossible quests — “clean your entire room,” “complete this full math chapter,” or “write a complete essay” — the character freezes. It’s simply too overwhelming.
But what happens when that same character gets a simple, achievable quest that rewards them with an instant coin? They light up with motivation and immediately want to tackle the next challenge.
This is exactly how we can approach motivation with our tweens.
The Three-Step Five Minute Win Ritual
This powerful ritual has three simple steps that work together to prime your child’s brain for success:
Step 1: Connect
Put down your phone (I know, it’s tough!). Spend just one to two minutes in the same space as your child. Ask them, “Hey, how’s it going?” and genuinely listen. They might not say much, but simply being present together creates that essential connection your tween needs to feel ready for what comes next.
Step 2: Prime Their Brain
Once they feel connected, ask: “What is one thing you’re going to do next?” or “What’s the very next thing you’re going to do?”
If this is new for your family, your child might respond with “I don’t know.” That’s perfectly normal! You can guide them by saying something like, “I think the very next thing we need to do this morning is make your bed. It doesn’t need to be perfect — just made.”
Then ask again: “So what’s the very next thing you’re going to do?” When they respond with “make my bed,” something powerful happens in their brain.
Step 3: Execute and Acknowledge
They state their intention with purpose, then spend about two minutes actually doing that thing. The key is choosing something they can genuinely complete in this short timeframe.
This could be:
- Making their bed
- Reading a short paragraph
- Brushing their teeth
- Solving one math problem
- Gathering their school supplies
The magic happens because they’re keeping a promise to themselves, which builds tremendous confidence.
Why This Works: The Science of Small Wins
When your child states their intention and follows through, they activate the part of their brain responsible for focus and follow-through. More importantly, they prove to themselves that they keep their promises.
This self-trust becomes incredibly powerful. The next time they commit to something, their brain remembers: “Oh yeah, I keep promises to myself.”
Building Long-Term Success
This isn’t just about getting your tween to make their bed. You’re teaching them:
- How to follow through on commitments
- The confidence that comes from completing tasks
- Skills they’ll need in future jobs when employers ask them to do something
- How to break overwhelming tasks into manageable pieces
These micro-wins build the foundation for tackling bigger challenges. When your child has experienced success with small tasks, they become more willing to attempt difficult ones.
A Word About Rewards
This isn’t the time for gold stars or prizes. In the real world, we don’t get rewards just for showing up — we get them for outcomes. During these crucial middle school years, focus on rewarding actual completion.
The reward for doing the thing? Gained confidence. That’s more valuable than any external prize.
Getting Started Tomorrow
Ask yourself: What’s one tiny, two-minute win your tween could accomplish tomorrow?
Maybe it’s not making the bed (they might resist that). Perhaps it’s: “The very next thing I need to do is get my math book and make sure I have my pencil, pencil sharpener, and eraser ready. I’ll set a timer for two minutes to get completely set up for math.”
Completing that setup in two minutes is a genuine win — something they know they can accomplish and feel proud of.
The Bigger Picture
This Five Minute Win Ritual is actually part of my larger Three Season Homeschool Method, where we break learning into small, manageable pieces. This approach allows tweens to work independently while building the confidence they need for bigger academic and life challenges.
Ready to build more wins into your homeschool day? Download my free Homeschool Schedule Planner, designed specifically for creating daily success patterns. It’s structured to set your family up for consistent wins that build momentum toward your bigger goals. Comment “PLANNER” and I’ll send it to you.