(Blog post based on this YouTube video: https://youtu.be/itZgR25MdqU)
It’s 10:30. Morning snack time is over.
You say, “Okay, time for math.”
Your kid doesn’t move. They’re still sitting at the table with their empty snack plate, daydreaming.
10:35—they’re putting their plate in the sink. Slowly.
10:38—bathroom break.
10:42—finally out, now looking for their math book.
10:47—they sit down with their math book and start looking for a pencil.
You want to scream. It’s been almost half an hour and they still haven’t started.
You think: Snack time just ended. They should be ready to go on to the next thing. Why on earth does it take so long to start? Why can’t they just begin?
Let me show you what’s actually happening—and a 10-minute thing that helps them actually get started.
They’re Not Just Stalling
If we haven’t met yet, I’m Marina Joy. I homeschooled my three daughters through middle school and high school while working from home. And I spent way too long thinking my kids were just being slow on purpose when they couldn’t immediately get started on their work.
Turns out I was asking them to do something their brain could not do.
Here’s what happens. Snack time ends. You’ve had this great connection time, everyone’s been nourished, everything is good. Then you say “time for math.”
When your kid doesn’t move, or they move really slowly, or suddenly they have a cajillion things to do before they can start—you think they’re stalling. “Come on already. Let’s get this done.”
They’re not just stalling. Their brain is in rest mode and it can’t shift to work mode instantly.
Think about this: You’re sitting on the couch relaxing and someone tells you, “Okay, get up and run a mile.”
I’m not going to be just jumping up and sprinting. First you have to stand up and stretch. And let’s be honest here—I’m not going to be getting up and running a mile. Walking. Okay. Running, no. But whatever the case, you stand up, you get your body engaged, you stretch, you put your shoes on, you warm up.
That’s what your kid’s brain needs after a break or after completing a task—time to shift from one activity into the next activity.
Why Middle Schoolers Especially Need This
When you’re trying to jump from snack time to math time or math time to writing time—just boom—it’s not going to work. Your brain needs a minute.
And middle schoolers especially need this because their prefrontal cortex, that part that handles switching activities, is still developing.
Adults like you and I can switch much faster. Our brain is more developed there. In theory. In practice, it is developed there—by the age of 25. And we can strengthen that switching mechanism, if you will. Middle schoolers? It’s not even fully developed yet.
So when you say “this is over and now it’s time for this,” their brain is still focused on the first thing.
And when you’re asking them to start something hard—like most kids, when I look at what most homeschool parents are talking about, it is math. Either math or writing. Super difficult for kids. So now you’re asking them to jump into something difficult, which requires them to put it on the line and they go, “Is this a safe space for me to fail in this? And now you’re wanting me to jump right into that. I don’t know if I can do that.”
What Transitions Actually Do
So what do we do?
Transitions will help them start faster with less frustration. We can actually get things moving.
(Now, if you get this transition thing going and they still won’t start their work, it is likely about motivation. That’s what I cover in my free workshop—link in the description. But for today, let me show you what 10 minutes of transition time actually does.)
Your kid’s brain gets to wind down from the previous state and get ready for the next one.
It’s kind of like if you’re working on your computer and you have multiple browser tabs open. When you’re switching from one browser tab to another, you kind of have to finish what you’re doing in this browser tab, then open this browser tab. And if you get too many browser tabs open, the whole thing kind of crashes.
You need to wind down from one activity before you start the next.
There was some research I was reading about how you’ve still got the residual thoughts from the previous activity. So if they were just having snack time and having a grand time with their siblings and laughing about memes or whatever, and now you’re getting them to jump into math—they’re still thinking about those memes they were just talking about with their siblings.
Those need to kind of clear out before you can start bringing in the math stuff. They’ve got to close this tab and clear it out. Clear the cache and bring something else in.
Three Ways to Build in Transition Time
So there’s a couple of things you could do.
First: Set a timer for 10 minutes. They could get up, walk around, stretch, go outside, do a little movement break. Now, this isn’t the 20-minute “go hard” exercise physical movement thing we talked about in one of the previous videos. This is just like, okay, I’m just kind of regrouping.
Second: They could go look out the window, doodle, play with a fidget toy, play piano for a minute. Just letting the brain kind of shift gears.
Third: They could spend that time—you know, put the timer on for 10 minutes—and then go find their math book and find their pencil and find whatever they need, get a drink, go to the bathroom, just kind of waste time.
In fact, I still do this and I wish I would have done this more with my girls. I learned this kind of later.
If you set the timer and think of it as like, “Okay, we’re just going to waste 10 minutes,” it kind of takes this pressure off and you go, “Okay, I know when the 10 minutes is over, I’m going to start. I need to be ready to start. But right now I can gather my things. I can fiddle around. Whatever. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing. This is my time to waste.” And then when the timer goes, then it’s math time and I need to dedicate my time and attention to that.
What This Looks Like in Practice
So it could be: They finish morning snack at 10:30, snack time is over. And then you say, “Okay, go set the timer for 10 minutes and get yourself ready for math.”
Initially you might have to help them sort of figure out like, okay, well, what am I doing at this time? Just with the expectation that at 10:40 we’re ready to start math. Bum in seat, pencil in hand, book open. We’re ready.
And then say they work on math for half an hour, 45 minutes. Now we need to transition again.
So it’s not just “okay, well, we do math from 10:40 to 11:30 and then we start writing at 11:30.” No. We need another transition block because remember, we’ve got to clear out the stuff with the math. It also gives them time to finish a final question if they’re almost done. Then have 10 minutes to transition into, “Okay, now I’m getting into writing.” So I clear out the math in my brain and I bring in the writing and so on.
When They Don’t Want to Stop Transitioning
If they don’t want to stop their transition after 10 minutes, this is why we have a timer. You’re not the bad guy. It’s like, “Well, the timer beeped. We got to go.” So you sort of put the blame—if you will—on the timer and it’s just a non-negotiable. This is what we do.
It’s kind of like what writers say about how do you get the muse to show up? Well, you show up and you consistently show up and the muse shows up and then you can write. Same kind of thing. Your kid has to be bum in seat with the books and materials that they need, ready to learn, in order for it to happen. So that’s what we’re going to do. Timer beeps, we’re just going to get going on that.
Try It Starting Tomorrow
So try it starting tomorrow. You’ve got your morning snack. Set the timer for 10 minutes for that wasting time and then they can start the next one.
When you build in this transition time, everything moves faster. Now it sounds backwards, but it works. They’re going to start quicker. There’s going to be less resistance, less wasted time.