Should you get your tween to do chores? If you’re wondering whether it’s reasonable to ask your 9-13 year old to help around the house, the short answer is yes – and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
As a parent, it’s completely reasonable to have your tween contribute to the upkeep of your household. While some people argue that a child’s only job should be their education, giving tweens age-appropriate chores actually helps them develop essential life skills while reducing their sense of entitlement.
The Benefits of Chores for Tweens
Here’s the reality: your tween will likely not like doing chores at first. That’s perfectly normal and okay. But the benefits of regular chores extend far beyond just getting help around the house.
Chores help tweens:
- Develop a sense of ownership and responsibility
- Build confidence and feelings of accomplishment
- Learn essential life skills for independence
- Understand that life includes mundane but necessary tasks
- Develop strong work ethic for their future careers
How to Choose the Right Chores for Your Tween
When selecting chores for your tween, don’t worry about making everything “equal” in terms of time or difficulty. Instead, focus on matching chores to your child’s strengths, aptitudes, and inclinations.
Let Your Tween Choose (From Pre-Set Options)
The key is giving your tween choice – but within boundaries you’ve set. Present them with several chore options and ask, “Which of these chores would you like to do?” Notice that you’re not asking if they want to do chores, but which chore they prefer.
This approach works because:
- It gives them some control over their situation
- It matches tasks to their natural preferences
- It helps them find joy in mundane but necessary tasks
Setting Clear Expectations: What “Done” Really Means
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is not clearly defining what completion looks like. Your tween needs to know exactly what “clean the bathroom” or “tidy the living room” actually means.
How to Set Clear Chore Standards
- Demonstrate first: Show your tween how to complete the chore properly
- Take photos: Visual references help them remember what “done” looks like
- Practice together: Have them try while you watch and offer guidance
- Give feedback: Point out what they did well and what needs improvement
- Let them work independently: Once they understand the standard, step back
You might also want to establish different levels of cleaning:
- Rush job: Quick tidy for unexpected guests
- Weekly maintenance: Regular upkeep
- Deep clean: Thorough, detailed cleaning
Teaching Work Ethic Without Being Nitpicky
Remember, this isn’t about perfection – it’s about building work ethic. While you shouldn’t be overly critical, it’s important to address genuinely poor work or incomplete tasks. This preparation helps them understand workplace expectations, whether they eventually work for someone else or themselves.
Routine Chores vs. Paid Opportunities
There’s an important distinction between regular household maintenance and special paid opportunities:
Regular Chores (Unpaid)
These are part of being a contributing family member:
- Weekly bathroom cleaning
- Making beds
- Loading/unloading dishwasher
- Taking out trash
Paid Opportunities (Optional)
These are tasks you’d normally hire someone to do:
- Washing cars
- Yard work beyond basic maintenance
- Deep cleaning projects
- Organizing storage areas
This system helps tweens understand the difference between family responsibilities and work opportunities.
Making Chores a Routine, Not a Battle
The secret to successful chore implementation is consistency. When chores become routine – like cleaning the bathroom every Wednesday – they stop being a source of conflict. Your tween will likely still complain sometimes (that’s normal!), but it won’t be a power struggle every single time.
Stay matter-of-fact about chore expectations. Make it clear that this is simply “what we do” in your family.
Getting Started This Summer
If you haven’t already implemented chores, summer is the perfect time to start. Use these slower months to:
- Help your tween learn how to complete their chosen chore correctly
- Establish routines and expectations
- Work through any resistance while you have more time and patience
- Prepare for the busy school year ahead
By the time school starts and life gets hectic again, your tween will know exactly what’s expected of them, making chores one less thing on your daily worry list.
The Bottom Line
Giving your tween chores isn’t about being mean or overloading them – it’s about preparing them for independence while reducing your own household burden. Yes, they’ll complain sometimes, but they’ll also feel more confident and accomplished as they master these important life skills.
Your future adult child will thank you for teaching them how to take care of themselves and their living space. And you’ll feel good knowing you’re raising a capable, responsible young person who understands that everyone contributes to making a household run smoothly.
Ready to get started? Choose one simple chore that matches your tween’s interests and begin building these important life skills today.