Relentless Kindness: The #1 Habit That Transforms Middle School Homeschooling
Being nice is overrated.
Kindness however, that’s something we need more of in this world.
This week as I was writing the script for today’s YouTube video (7 Habits That Transform Middle School Homeschooling), I realized that the number one habit is Relentless Kindness. If all the other habits fell away, kindness covers everything.
I remember teaching fourth grade in Thailand — I had ONE rule in my classroom: kindness.
When I taught community babysitting and home alone safety courses, I’d just have ONE rule for the class: kindness.
And as my girls were growing up… we had ONE rule: kindness.
When I think about how I’d like to be remembered… relentlessly kind.
But Wait — Won’t They Take Advantage?
So, you may be wondering how kindness can transform your middle school homeschool. Won’t your kids just take advantage of your “kindness” and not get things done?
The short answer: No.
And here’s why.
What Kindness Really Is
Kindness isn’t passive.
Kindness isn’t permissive.
And, surprisingly, kindness isn’t always nice.
Instead, kindness is thoughtful.
Kindness is integrity personified.
And relentless kindness pursues the best outcome for all — even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it’s difficult. And even when nobody is watching.
Kindness triumphs.
You may think that sounds a bit like love. And it is. The Bible says that love is kind.
How Kindness Transforms Your Middle School Homeschool
Here’s where kindness in your middle school homeschool can transform it.
You’re being relentlessly kind when you hold boundaries for your kids.
To them it may feel like a constraint. But that kindness is helping them feel secure.
The relentless bit comes in when they push against the boundary day after day and you hold it steady.
And they feel secure, knowing that you’ve got their back. Even though they think they want freedom to do as they please, when you’re relentlessly kind in holding that boundary, their nervous system can relax and they can settle into doing the work they need to do, within the safety of the constraint you set.
It feels counterintuitive. But it works.
During these middle school years you’ll need to practice that type of relentless kindness — a lot.
It can be tiring.
Which is why you also need to be relentlessly kind to yourself.
Choose what hills you’re willing to die on (figuratively of course).
Keep the main things the main things. And let everything else go.
Becoming a “Yes” Mom
See if you can be a “yes” mom.
I grew up with a “that won’t work” kind of mom.
I vowed I would be different.
And relentless kindness was the answer.
If you create clear (and age-appropriate, value-driven) boundaries, it’s easy to say yes.
When your kids know where the boundary lines are, they’ll learn to not bother asking for things outside the lines — automatic no with no debate.
However, when they ask about things within the boundary lines… if the timing is right, almost always a yes.
That’s relentless kindness.
We stumbled into this idea as we muddled our way through the early middle school years. That muddling through is the reason I’m so passionate about sharing my learnings with you — so you don’t have to waste time muddling, and can get to the enjoying part faster.
The Tea Time Conversation That Changed Everything
I remember one time in particular my daughter came to ask me something. It was important to her — it wasn’t earth-shattering, but it involved logistics I didn’t have bandwidth to figure out right then. I was in the middle of a work project and my brain was definitely NOT into figuring out how to make her request a reality.
The request wasn’t unreasonable. It was within the boundary lines. But I didn’t have capacity to actually think it through in the moment.
So I told her, “If you want an answer right now, it’s no. Because I don’t have time to think it through right now. But, if you wait until tea time, we can talk about it and it’ll probably be yes. I just don’t want to say yes until I can think it through.”
Her eyes lit up. “I’ll wait,” she said and she left grinning.
That’s relentless kindness.
That conversation turned out to be one that was repeated COUNTLESS times during those middle school years.
The Results
Over the years the boundary lines changed as my daughters matured. But I got to be a “yes” mom. And they got to do things they wanted — within the boundary lines. It was good for everyone.
It got rid of the whining and begging.
It got rid of the sneaking and conniving.
It got rid of the half-truths and vague details.
They learned that clear conversation got results. When they laid out all the details — the good, the complications, everything — we could often work together to find solutions even better than what they’d originally asked for. Sometimes what started as a “probably not” turned into a “yes, if we adjust this one thing.”
The Hard Truth About Kindness
I remember laughing and feeling slightly taken aback when I read Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life where he says, “Don’t let your kids do things that make you hate them.”
It took me a minute to think it through. I don’t hate my kids. And isn’t hate a pretty strong word?!
But at second glance, I see that what he’s talking about is relentless kindness. Addressing behaviors at home — in the safety of your family — that would get your kid ridiculed or rejected out in the real world. Because as painful as that correction might feel in the moment, getting bullied or dismissed out there is far worse.
Whew! That’s just ONE of the 7 Habits That Transform Middle School Homeschooling. You can watch the video with all 7 here: https://youtu.be/YD2G1bSMLaY
I don’t go as deep into the others, but Relentless Kindness felt like it needed its own spotlight. I hope you found it thought-provoking.
What’s something hard you’ve done recently that was actually relentlessly kind? I think we need to talk about this more. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
I just released a new video breaking down all seven habits that transform middle school homeschooling — not just kindness, but sleep, connection, responsibility, and the habits that build confident, capable kids. If you want the full framework, watch it here on YouTube.