Are you exhausted from the emotional ups and downs of parenting tweens? Discover why those challenging phases are actually signs of healthy development—and how to weather them with confidence.
Parenting tweens can feel like living through unpredictable weather patterns. One day, your relationship feels sunny and connected. The next, you’re caught in an emotional storm that seems like it will never end. If you’re currently in one of those “rainy” seasons, this post is for you.
Why Hard Seasons in Parenting Tweens Feel Endless
Just like weather, the challenging phases of parenting tweens can start out manageable—even welcome. At first, you recognize that growth requires some discomfort. Your tween is figuring out who they are, testing boundaries, and learning to navigate big emotions. This is all part of healthy development.
But when the difficult days stretch into weeks, doubt creeps in. You start wondering: Will this ever end? Am I doing something wrong?
The truth is, parenting tweens through identity development looks exactly like this—periods of intensity followed by calm, then intensity again. It’s not a sign you’re failing; it’s proof that growth is happening.
Understanding Tween Emotional Weather Patterns
After experiencing several cycles with her own daughters, parenting expert Marina Joy began to notice predictable patterns in tween development. These emotional “weather systems” include:
The Storm Phase: Everything feels hard. Your tween is irritable, testing boundaries, and emotions run high. You might feel like the worst parent in the world.
The Calm Phase: Suddenly, everything clicks. Your relationship feels strong, communication flows easily, and you remember why you love parenting.
The Growth Spurt: Your tween emerges from the difficult phase with new maturity, skills, or self-awareness.
Recognizing these patterns helps normalize the experience. When you understand that storms are temporary and necessary for growth, you can parent with more confidence during the challenging times.
How to Handle Big Emotions When Parenting Tweens
The key to successfully parenting tweens through emotional storms isn’t to eliminate the weather — it’s to become a steady presence within it. Here’s how:
During the Calm Times: Build Your Foundation
When things are going well, resist the urge to simply enjoy the peace. Instead, use these sunny stretches strategically:
- Teach emotional vocabulary: Help your tween name and understand their feelings
- Practice problem-solving: Work through hypothetical scenarios together
- Strengthen your connection: Have meaningful conversations about their interests and concerns
- Establish clear boundaries: Set expectations when everyone is calm and receptive
The emotional skills and connection you build during good times become your anchor during storms.
During the Storms: Stay Steady
When your tween is struggling, remember that your job isn’t to fix the weather — it’s to be a reliable guide through it:
- Name the feeling: “It sounds like you’re really frustrated right now”
- Invite conversation: “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
- Show consistency: Maintain boundaries with kindness, even when they push back
- Remind them you’re here: Your steady presence communicates safety
Why Your Tween Needs You to Hold the Line
During growth spurts, tweens often seem to reject the very support they need most. They may push against boundaries, act out, or claim they don’t need you. This is normal and temporary.
Your consistency during these times — holding boundaries with kindness, staying emotionally available, refusing to take their behavior personally—provides the safety net they need to explore their emerging identity.
Think of yourself as a lighthouse: steady, reliable, and always there to guide them safely through the storm.
Making the Most of Sunny Stretches in Parenting Tweens
If you’re currently in a peaceful phase with your tween, don’t waste this valuable time. Here’s how to maximize these golden moments:
- Deepen your connection through shared activities and genuine conversations
- Build emotional intelligence by discussing feelings and reactions in low-stakes moments
- Strengthen your relationship by showing interest in their world
- Prepare for challenges by discussing how to handle difficult situations before they arise
Remember: the work you do during calm times directly impacts how well both you and your tween navigate the next challenging phase.
You’re Not Failing — This Is Normal Tween Development
One of the biggest myths about parenting tweens is that if you’re doing it “right,” it should be smooth sailing. The reality is that healthy tween development includes emotional turbulence. Your child’s brain is literally rewiring itself, and that process isn’t always pretty.
The emotional ups and downs, the testing of boundaries, the identity confusion — these aren’t signs of failure. They’re signs that your tween is doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing: growing up.
Your role isn’t to eliminate the storms. It’s to be the steady, loving presence that helps them weather each season of growth.
Finding Hope in the Parenting Tweens Journey
If you’re currently in a difficult phase, take heart: the sun will come out again. Just as weather systems move through, so do the challenging phases of tween development.
The lush growth that comes after the rain — the increased maturity, deeper connection, and new capabilities — makes the difficult season worth it. Your tween is becoming who they’re meant to be, and your steady presence is helping them get there safely.
Whether you’re currently weathering a storm or enjoying the sunshine, remember that both seasons are temporary and necessary. Your consistent love, clear boundaries, and unwavering presence are exactly what your tween needs to grow into a confident, emotionally intelligent young person.
The journey of parenting tweens isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important investments you’ll ever make. Trust the process, stay steady, and remember: this too shall pass — and when it does, you’ll both be stronger for having weathered it together.
Looking for more support in your parenting tweens journey? Remember that seeking help and encouragement isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a sign of wisdom. Every parent needs support, especially during the intense tween years.